Show Mercy, for the One Better than You Showed Mercy February 18, 2011

Posted by istislaam in xx. Family and Society.
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I begin with the Name of Allaah, the most Merciful, the One Who bestows Mercy

All praises and thanks be to Allaah, and may Allaah mention His Messenger and grant him peace. To proceed:

Show Mercy, for the One Better than You Showed Mercy

The Prophet of Mercy (Nabee ar-Rahmah), Muhammed ibn ‘Abdullaah, was the perfect example sent forth to mankind. His is the example the Muslims strive to mimic and follow in every aspect of their lives, from the moment they willfully rub their eyes as they wake up to pray their dawn prayers to the moment they go to sleep, and even when they wake up in the middle of their sleep; it is his noble example they strive to follow! Nobody can perfectly adhere to this  example, but everybody strives to, and every one of the Muslims has their own level of adherence.

The Prophet of Mercy was the role model for mankind as a father, a brother, a husband, a son (even though his disbelieving parents were dead), a nephew, a friend, a teacher, a businessman, a politician, a military general; a role model in every aspect of life sent to be such by the Creator of all creatures. May the blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him.

The Prophet of Mercy commanded the Muslims to respect their elders and to have mercy on their young. This was not only through his speech but also reflective in his actions. He was the one under whose guardianship children grew and prospered to become leaders and scholars. A young slave, Zayd, who would have been kicked around by a society that was living in a state of ignorance became under the guardianship of the Prophet a leader of men, beloved by all even to this very day; even the son of Zayd, whose mother was also a slave, led the Muslims to victory. These are the men who grew up in the household of the Prophet of Mercy under the tutelage of the best of mankind. The servant of the Messenger of Allaah proclaimed that never once did the Messenger of Allaah rebuke him or hit him but he dealt with him with kindness and excused him for his shortcomings. The women of his household revered the Prophet of Mercy as a husband and as a father, and under his tutelage they became fountains of knowledge, revered scholars, a position seldom granted to women by others. May my mother and father be sacrificed for him.

A bedouin, a man of the desert, who had no culture and lacked civilized behaviour (i.e. the Islaamic etiquette) once walked into the soil-floored, open-walled Masjid (Mosque) and began to peacefully urinate at one of its corners. The attendees of the Masjid saw this and rightfully got angry at this man, and they rushed to grab him and to discipline him. It was the Decree of Allaah that the Prophet of Mercy again set an example for mankind on how to deal with such circumstances. He calmed the ‘mob’ and waited until the bedouin finished his deed. It was only then did he approach the bedouin and spoke into his ears kind words, teaching him that this is a place for the remembrance of Allaah, and that one cannot violate its sanctity in such a manner. No beating, no kicking, no punching, no throwing, but simple kind words – a perfect and wise example set by the perfect man. He then asked that the spot be cleaned with water, so as to remove the impurities.  ^[1] The bedouin man in a state of ecstasy at having had the honour of being dealt with the best of manners by the best of man exclaimed, “May Allaah have mercy on Muhammed and I, and no one else!” The Prophet of Mercy again gently advised him that he had restricted something which is vast, i.e. the Mercy of Allaah. ^[2]

Kicking, punching and throwing children around is unnecessary, and only shows the teachers’ incapability to control people less than half their size and weight! If the situation calls for it, in the case of the ‘stubborn and the disobedient’, ^[3] the misbehaving child should be smacked lightly so as not to harm him/her but still achieve the desired effect ^[4]. Hitting the face should be avoided as par the guidance of the Prophet of Mercy, the best guidance there is. ^[5]

Everyone smacks their children, Muslims and non-Muslims, publicly and in private, whether they are open about it or keep it a secret, because every person of intellect knows that sometimes the situation calls for discipline. Marginalising and generalising an entire community for the over-exaggerated sense of discipline of one or two individuals is highly discriminating and only acts as a conspiracy to cause hatred.

Smacking lightly is a form of discipline as legislated in Islaam and a believer should not consider this act to be ‘abusive’. It is something which is permitted by the Legislator (i.e. Allaah), and whatever the Legislator dictates  and permits can only be good and nothing but good.

Having said that, it is shocking to hear that some Muslims will hand over their brethren so easily for matters that can be dealt with kind words and some gentle advice. Simple naseehah should prevent  the specific and few classes  from turning into a one-way kickboxing match; afterall it is the parents’ money that keeps these alleged “kick first-talk later” teachers in their jobs, so if they request that their children not be disciplined in such a manner it simply will not happen. This was the manner set by the Prophet of Mercy – kind and gentle words.

With the shift of time, some Muslim parents having grown up in a certain environment or having themselves received beatings in their childhood grew resentment in their hearts of “huzoors”, “maulavees” and “mullahs” that any slight discipline executed on their part results in sheer condemnation and the dialing of 999. One should maintain tolerance and have understanding of varying nature of individuals, and should not incriminate nor generalise an entire group of people due to the actions of some. Those who teach the Muslims their Religion are people deserving of respect and honour; their shortcomings should be concealed and they should be advised privately.

Furthermore, parents when dealing with the wrongdoings of their children often seek to blame others, and never look at their own. They gossip about the thuggish behaviour of the son of so and so, the whoring around of the daughter of so and so, but somehow fail to see the mole under their own roof that is slowly growing up to be a mountain of horror – extremists in the religion, neglecting the basic requirements set by their Creator, and as a result giving a bad image to Islaam. All this due to a lack of acknowledgment of the wrongdoings of the child, and a lack of discipline as a consequence.

Just a few years back, not even a decade ago, Muslim kids had respect for their elders, a sense of awe, such that a boy would be smoking a cigarette with one hand and holding his GF with the other, and when a random Muslim stranger would walk by, the cigarette would vanish into the bushes and the girl would somehow fly onto the other side of the road. Nowadays there are silly ‘wannabees’ monkeying around on buses, trains and street-corners, giving ‘dirts’ to old men with whitening beards, and with their vile alcoholic breath sniggering at the then-respected men, “wacchu lukin at bruf”. All due to a lack of discipline. An Islaamic upbringing, and parents’ guidance to the company of good Muslim friends would not result in such idiotic clowns walking around in our streets.

A person should be wise in how they deal with children, sometimes words are more powerful and effective than smacks. Strongly vocalising disapproval of a child’s actions can get the message through just fine, and the “big-guns” (i.e. light smacking) can be saved for serious acts or perhaps a more powerful statement of disapproval may suffice. Kindness and gentleness has its place, but certain times call for strictness and harshness; a Muslim must balance between the two.

In adverse, uncontrolled words may even cripple the mind of a child. A horrible incident comes to mind… a non-Muslim woman sent her  little daughter running to catch the bus whilst she jogged behind with a pram, and then the little girl missed the bus only to face the mother barking at her face, “you f**king worthless piece of s**t, why the f**k didn’t you run faster (and barking other obscenities)!!?” at which the little girl burst into tears. Taking the stance of an Islamophobic fascist, this scene would result in generalisation of the entire non-Muslim community, but this clearly isn’t the case, it is the doing of one individual. That little girl one day will grow her own fangs’ and learn to bark just as well, only as a result of mimicking the rolemodel in her life. The Prophetic way, the methodology employed by the Messenger of Allaah, that which he taught to his companions must be made an example of in the lives of  children, and this example should shine in the behaviour of their parents. This would raise the ideal human child.

Children should not be kicked and punched like lifeless toys – that’s horrible – the body of a human being is sacred. A child should not hear obscenities nor should a child face humiliation by those who are meant to be their guardians, this will either raise cowardice in their hearts or turn those children into vicious animals unleashed unto society. Have mercy on the children in the manner of an-Nabee ar-Rahmah (the Prophet of Mercy). Respect has to be earned by showing respect. If wise diplomacy fails, then take necessary measures of discipline against the ‘stubborn and the disobedient’, but do not transgress the limits set by the Creator. Have Taqwa ^[6] of Allaah wherever you are. May Allaah guide us all.

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Notes:

[1] Muslim (not exact wording)
[2] Tirmidhee (not exact wording)
[3] Shaikh Muhammed Saalih al-Munajjid, IslamQA, Fatwah No. 10016
[4] IslamQA: Shaikh bin Baaz, Majmoo’ Fataawaa ash-Shaikh ibn Baaz, 6/403
[5] IslamQA: al-Haafidh ibn Hajar al-Asqalaanee, Fath al-Baari, 5/216
[6] Shaikh al-Islaam ibn Taymeeyyah, Majmoo’ Fataawaa, 10/433: “Taqwa is that the person act in obedience to Allaah upon a light from Him, and that he abandon disobedience to Allaah upon a light from Him, fearing the punishment of Allaah”